Our Family Blog

As I sit here watching some tattoo show, I cant help but think of a conversation I had with a colleague at work today -someone who has become a friend by “walking her talk” and exuding a personal integrity that I admire.  She was telling me about her child and how she could not imagine working when her child was a baby or toddler in fact she did not go back to work until he was in the 1st grade.  1st grade!  I went back to work when both Josh and Maya were 6 weeks old -by choice.  I do not regret my decision to go back to work or go back as soon as I did, but I cant help but to think about everything I missed. My job keeps me away from my family anywhere from 10-15 hours a day, so you do the math.  I always tell people I live for the weekends but I am always find it difficult to relax because what if there is an emergency at work?  What if someone gets sick?  What if someone elopes?  Maybe I just need a vacation.  I dont know.  I do know that Josh and Maya call me mommy, momma, mom and I have never heard them call anyone else that.  Thinking to the future -as we prepare to have another child (sometime in the future -no I am not pregnant and no we are not in the adoption process right now)  will I ever choose to be like one of the moms that lives on my street?  I am the only working professional mother on my street.  My entire street -there are like 40 something houses on my street!  Are my kids going to hate me?  Do they hate it as much as I do when my blackberry goes off after 5pm?  Everytime I put my shoes on or go to take something out of my purse -Josh says, ” Mommy going to work” -Just for today -I would like to choose to stay home with my kids.  Unfortunately this is not a decision I can make and then change in a week when maybe I realize I do want to work.  Maybe its just about balance and how due to my obsessive compulsive nature have been incapable to this point unable to find a balance between work and home.  Are my kids suffering?